May. 6th, 2008 at 2:47 PM
Well, when our office decided to change our pay schedule, and I had no money at the middle of the month, she bought me lunch. So, today, I took her to Casa Escobar because she was craving chips and salsa. I was craving a margarita so it worked out quite well.
Anyway, she is one amazing chick. She's been through a lot and she's a recovering alcoholic and has an awful lot of wisdom I have to tell ya. She's awesome about listening to me talk about my mom and I listen to things in her life about her son and ex husband etc. And she passes on wisdom from her sponsors which I have to say are really pretty helpful.
So, today I told her, about the bull shit that went on this weekend, and how I told my therapist that no matter where my mother physically lives, the mother that LIVES IN MY HEAD has to die. Period. And she agreed. And she said that one of the things that was awesome about AA was that her sponsor made her not only write things out, but ACT them out as well. So she said what you need to do is evict your mother from your head. When I laughed she said no seriously. Write an eviction notice and mail it to yourself and evict her from you brain. Now, I think that is a great idea. Draft it all official looking since I AM a legal secretary and can do that, and seriously MAIL it to myself.
I also have been thinking about finding a way to get my therapist to read my live journal. Which means maybe I need to unlock it? I dunno how that works. I don't really think I care so much about who reads what anymore. If haters want to hate they will hate regardless. As long as I keep what is needed friends locked it won't be an issue right? Question is, would my therapist join LJ to read stuff? If he does then I don't have to change a thing. I can leave it F-locked. And add him and all is well.
I need a nap.
- Mood:
tired
So this weekend:
My mother had bridge this weekend. Which is usually a fun time. I fo course had to bow out of going to Ren Faire with 
surabafix because I knew my mom need me to clean house (even though the cleaning person just came) and make my bed and pick up the food etc. Which also means I had to bow out of taking my second piano lesson. But that's my life. Wait...my life? HA...that's funny.
Anyway, I told Amy she could come over and hang out, and since it was the Kentucky Derby everyone there put five bucks on a three horse ticket. (except my mom, who only got two and seemed to be fine with that. As was I since I put her money in anyway). So what that meant was I cut up the info from the paper with the Silks and horse info and then put that into a bag and shook it up and everyone drew three names. And we all put 5 bucks in.
So, I was planning on rooting for Pyro regardless of who I got on my ticket because I have an RPG character that I turned into a horse trainer and made his horses that of Steve Asmussen the trainer of Curlin' and Pyro. I know…I'm a dork. Anyway, we picked horses and I got Big Brown and Eight Belles and one other horse. Big Brown was the favorite and he started from gate 20. Long story short, I won the pool. It was very awesome. Amy was her usual funny self as were Mark and John my mom's gay couple friends.
Anyway, my purpose of this post is a rant. So, we ordered cold cuts. And I didn't know that people were bringing snacks. My mom just said Mark & John were bringing drinks. Okay, well, she was gonna order what she usually orders for bridge cold cuts. And she was going to order the amount she usually orders for 4 people. Well there was going to be seven of us with 5 people playing bridge and me and Amy. So I said she should kind of double the order. Which more than doubled the cost. It cost me 109 dollars. Granted, we ordered WAY too much corned beef, but c'est la vie.
My rant is that I paid for it. I paid a hundred bucks for her bridge game. And yesterday she wanted more money.
Let me back up. I give my mom $260 bucks every payday (or there abouts sometimes it’s a day or two after) So, this time, she asks me to instead of giving her all the cash to pay her $195 insurance payment. Okay cool. Done and done. And then pay for the bridge food. Which since Amy cam and had a sandwich, my putting in $40 of $109 is logical right? So, essentially that was all of my mom's $260, plus some.
So yesterday she says she needs to know if she's getting the rest of her money and I didn't have the balls to say what I wanted to say and be like what money? You spent your money on food for your bridge game. But no. What does she need it for? Drugs. Medications. Two of them, totaling 60 bucks. And then later that evening she needs more money because she has to have some cash because she has doctors visits to go to and stuff to do.
And this morning she said if I want dinner I have to stop and get it because there was nothing for her to cook (because I didn't go shopping and buy $200 worth of groceries that she can throw away because they go bad cook) . She said she'd eat what was at home. And she said it as if it were a HUGE inconvenience. Like she was being punished for eating left over corned beef and ham. That she probably thinks in her twisted senile mind that she had to pay for or something.
And the whole thing PISSES ME OFF. But what can I do? Tell her she can't have her medications? What kind of cold heartless bitch does that make me? Denying an old woman her medicine? Just so I can tell her to stuff it?
And what kills me is something I told my shrink last week. That is my mom had died and my dad were still alive I would feel no animosity towards him whatsoever. And I think it mainly has to do with attitude. My dad was never very demanding and was always very gracious and grateful in attitude.
Anyway, this is making me far too grumpy so I am going to lunch.
Comments
domina_malfoy (67.68.219.95) wrote:operagirl25 (66.151.55.194) wrote:domina_malfoy (67.68.219.95) wrote:operagirl25 (66.151.55.194) wrote:domina_malfoy (67.68.217.59) wrote:domina_malfoy (67.68.217.59) wrote:operagirl25 (66.151.55.194) wrote:domina_malfoy (67.68.217.59) wrote:We just have to hope that we'll manage to get out as soon as possible with our sanity intact. Or what's left of it anyway lol
operagirl25 (66.151.55.194) wrote:Oh and I have icon love.
operagirl25 (66.151.55.194) wrote:juniorfan29 (71.35.69.215) wrote:To quote you.....but you're MY dork.
Anywho, I'm sorry things are going so bad with your mother. I really, really wish I knew how to help you to get away from her. I don't even know her, but I know that she is WAY too demanding and harsh on you and YOU DO NOT DESERVE IT.
♥hugs♥ I loff you.
operagirl25 (66.151.55.194) wrote:I have to have TJ post about the race and junk.
operagirl25 (66.151.55.194) wrote:jedi_dad (24.117.52.225) wrote:Even if you can't move out here yet, you should IMHO at least get back outta there. This arrangement doesn't seem to be doing either of you any good.
And if it's not an option right now, maybe just a frank, open talk about who's supposed to be supporting whom would help.
And again,,,*mucho hugs*
operagirl25 (66.151.55.194) wrote:I mena jesus I am on the phone with her RIGHT now and she needs me to buy her a scale cuz her doctor said so. WTF? WHat am I supposed to do?
operagirl25 (66.151.55.194) wrote:operagirl25 (66.151.55.194) wrote:Comments
operagirl25 (75.82.47.132) wrote:llightfoot (71.106.236.231) wrote:operagirl25 (66.151.55.194) wrote:![[protected post]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/icon_protected.gif){kind=icon}
Anyway, I have been meaning to post this all damn day because I wrote it last night and was going to put it straight up here, but decided to write it in a hard backed journal instead.
So: April 23, 2008 - LATE
I am watching Little Women. MY Little Women. The version I like, despite its flaws - and despite Wynona Ryder.
And I'm dizzy. I'm so light headed and I keep crying. And not at the sad parts, like when Beth dies.
And the music! The oboe theme in this movie - GOD - it speaks to me in a way nothing ever has.
The melancholy melody speaks to me
Touches my very soul
Yet in the midst are strings of hope
It mirrors how I feel
Melancholy and yet begging for hope. Just like me.
Crying with no release in sight.
It pulls at my heart strings and my soul
Comments
*squishes*
I thought so too. I sent him an email so hopefully he will let me know.